With You At Heart
by MyMagentaPeach
Summary: It is a cold December morning, waking up together, filled with each other's warmth. And Blaine wants to make sure Kurt will always remember the happiness they spend each other, they feel together.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Glee.

**A/N:**

**Addie117, **

**Bethan-Holly,**

**Klainebows and Quirrelmort (formerly: SpazMoor), **

**anxioussquirrel**

I expected whatever came next in life to be sad, painful and hard. And then this happened: I met you.

It still isn't easy but so much more joyous and filled with hope now that you are part of my world *dorky me, yes*

So much of my newfound strength is thanks to your care, your words, your love.

There are so many things that without you I might never have found, never have dared look for.

You make worlds better, not only mine. You touch lives. You are siblings and parents and partners and lovers and amazing, caring, loving people and that gives me hope. And I still can't believe I am lucky enough to have you want to share that with me. I love you more for it, for being yourselves than any words I have could ever express. But since words are what I have and what brought us together in the first place…this is me trying.

Very importantly, thank you too for sharing your pain and fears and doubts with me just as much as your love and hope. Thank you for allowing me to be there for you as well.

Love, hope and someone to be open with, someone to be me with in every thought, with every line, with every word.

Thank you for making happiness less of a stranger to me, me more comfortable around it.

I love you.

* * *

><p><strong>With You At Heart<strong>

Burt has allowed Blaine to spend the night. Not such a rare occasion anymore, but still a very special one to them.

It gives Kurt and Blaine a whole day together. A first. Truly allowing them to let go of that thought constantly lurking at the back of their minds, the thought of soon, all too soon, having to let go of each other, again.

It is not technically Christmas anymore when they wake up in each other's arms in the early hours of this December morning, but they both think it is the best present they could have wished for at any time of the year.

These are the coldest hours of the new day, but neither boy takes notice of that, entirely captivated by the magic of waking up wrapped in the warmth of the person they, for months now, have been allowed to hold and kiss and love, and still can't get enough of.

xxxx

In the beginning Blaine had feared that he might be intoxicated with the love present in this household, more than actually being in love with Kurt. So Blaine had been grateful they took it slow, in desperate need of it really, at the time still afraid he might be doing Kurt a terrible injustice.

That fear alone should have told Blaine several things. First and foremost how deep his love for Kurt runs, did then, does now. So deep in fact it had taken quite some time to uncover in the first place. So natural a part of Blaine it had always been there, all the harder to see for it.

But as it goes with fear, it tells you very little and enjoys messing with your sense of control, making you feel not exactly more but everything you possibly could at once, which always is too much, for anyone.

So there had been confusion and hesitation. So much so that mixed in with the intensity of so many things felt for the first time, Blaine sometimes had thought he was about to go insane. Burt and Carole showing him love and care on top of all that some days had been far too much and seen him jump out of his skin at a mere "Hello," and the often accompanying hug or pat on the back or shoulder.

All that time he had known Kurt had noticed something was up and never quite right, but Blaine, even then, also had already known Kurt would never pressure him, but simply be there and hope for Blaine to let him in, closer, once he would feel truly ready.

But it had never been all about Blaine. They both had had so much to learn, especially in the first weeks and months, from being in a relationship, from being so close to someone else for the first time. From feeling, from giving and receiving love.

The weeks had flown by.

And then it had just been them for a while, when, towards the end of summer, they had begun to spend time at Blaine's parent's house too. Blaine's parents themselves hardly ever there, and Burt and Carole just fine with it, having seen so much of the boys and their love and appreciation for each other in the beginning of summer.

Blaine had been relieved and surprised to find that being able to share more of himself, even the darker thoughts and memories that this change of environment brought inevitably with it, had brought them closer, had allowed him to fall in love with Kurt all over again, deeper than before; especially every time a laugh, a bone-crushing hug or a gentle kiss had been the silent comment to what Kurt had heard spill from Blaine's memories. Even every time all Kurt had been able to do was cry with him, especially then. Every tear kissed away salty, every tear filled with love and care.

Kurt had hoped Blaine understood that it, this, them was better than okay, and Blaine had. Both boys' tears and tales never once pushing them apart, but bringing them closer. In talks and phone calls and letters. Loveletters first. Then the lines had begun to fill with things quite different. Mostly things too heavy to be formed into meaning on their tongues, sinking instead with often astonishing ease into the paper placed under their hands. Not seldom trembling, with so many things.

Months later Blaine still cannot comprehend how it is possible that every time he gives up, gives away yet another part of himself to Kurt he feels like he himself is more, not less of himself. Of course it is because Kurt is not really taking anything, simply holding on to it for Blaine, silently taking some of the weight off Blaine's shoulders that maybe he himself had not realized had become too much until there had been words for it, a shape to it, and weight, so much weight to the thoughts that only shared, and only shared with Kurt, grew lighter.

It is a two-way street, and Blaine learns that from their letters and the talks they inspire more than anything.

They had both been used all their lives to feeling more lost, in more pain, emptier whenever they had dared to try and open up to someone else. People taking so much from them, not interested in giving.

Not anymore. Not with each other there wanting to listen and longing to answer. The other's words enough to pull the world back into focus whenever the pain and fear that comes with unnerving restlessness threatens to come back, comes back for either of them.

Learning to read the signs, learning to read each other, their abilities to care for each other still keep growing with them every day.

Blaine has started looking for, thinking up ways to show Kurt more of his love and care. Wants to do all he can to make sure their 'I love yous' never turn hollow.

Blaine had found himself thinking it so often as the nights had grown longer, the days shorter and the weather colder, "Kurt makes me more of everything good I have ever been, makes me feel more of everything good I have ever felt."

The only things Kurt has ever only taken from Blaine are pain and fear, the things others had left with him in heaps for so long whenever he had build up the courage to open up. Countless times making him feel like a dumpster, not a person.

xxxx

They take their time that morning before getting up. Cuddling, kissing, whispering 'I love you', over and over, back and forth, accompanied with smiles and joyous laughter. Happy, content, fulfilled with knowing of each other's existence.

Preparing and eating breakfast in the Hummels' kitchen they keep watching each other more than what they are doing.

Blaine laughs when Kurt accidentally pours milk in his orange juice instead of his coffee, while watching Blaine, who just has to try and show off his skills at flipping pancakes midair, pausing in shock when the last one laden with especially much energy ends up stuck tight to the ceiling. Kurt's wide smile turns into a laugh, "We'll get it down later, I'm starving."

A quiet, only filled with more smiles, joins them for breakfast.

They clean up together and then Blaine leads Kurt back into the living room and tells him to wait there and that he will be right back.

Blaine comes back down the stairs a moment later with "We already exchanged presents."

Blaine only smiles in response as he holds out the small package for Kurt to take. And Kurt can see Blaine is almost aching to say something but holding back while looking eagerly between Kurt and the present, silently asking him to hurry with the unwrapping.

Kurt teasingly traces the paper for a moment, remembering how Blaine had removed the wrapping paper on his own presents this Christmas with such care. He feels a little tremble go through his body, reminded of the gentle determination and deliberateness of those hands, Blaine's hands, moving on his clothes, under his clothes, on his skin - thrilling, every single time they touch, with every kiss, every time they make love.

But then Kurt cannot resist the temptation a second longer, fisting the wrapping in his right while holding the present in his left, ripping the paper off.

He pauses in shock, then sinks to his knees on the living room carpet. Blaine sinks down next to him, almost with him, not at all suprised by the reaction.

As Blaine's hands gently come to rest over Kurt's on the frame, Kurt looks up, his mouth still agape slightly in surprise, his eyes already smiling through the tears building.

"This is us," Kurt finally whispers, snuggling into Blaine's side.

Blaine wraps his arms around him, and Kurt moves to sit between Blaine's legs, his back resting against Blaine's chest. Blaine hugs Kurt tighter as he answers "I know."

Kurt's eyes widen and tears flow over and hit the picture frame held now before them in their hands, together, "But we, we look so happy. I did not know You, I, We could look this happy."

Blaine snuggles his right cheek against Kurt's left, "I know how much you love the picture of me in your locker in that Dalton uniform. I am not asking you to get rid of it, I never would. I know how much it means to you, how it reminds you that you have enough strength in you to fight anything, and how wonderful our friends at Dalton are. I give you this picture of us so you will have more. So you will always be able to remember easily, even when everything seems nothing but painful and loveless and dark – which I promise I will do my best to prevent as long as you will allow me in your life – that there is happiness to be found in others, and love, most of all love. I want you to be able to look at this picture and see our happiness. Should we ever lose each other I want you to remember the good we found in and brought out in each other. I want you to always be able to remember that _You_ can be this happy, that _You_ can make someone as insanely happy as I am in this picture, with _You_."

Kurt gently places the framed picture on the floor and turns in Blaine's arms, moving deeper into the embrace, both boys tightening their hold, just to make sure.

"I love you."

Three words Blaine cannot imagine, cannot fear anymore to ever sound empty or simple coming from Kurt's lips.

"I love you."


End file.
